Steele (the Day)

Sick as a dog.

// July 30th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

My stomach is in knots tonight – perhaps if there weren’t several things hammering on my heart it wouldn’t feel so sickening. But the sad, whimpering, helpless puppy next to me curled up on the “boat blanket” on the couch just breaks my heart. He won’t eat. He can’t walk. He has two bandaged bloody feet that I really think are the least of his problems. He twitches and shakes like he has a palsy of some kind. I had to carry him outside (no small feat) to go potty because he couldn’t walk to the door. He can’t tell me anything, but keeps turning his sad brown eyes my direction as if to say “Help me, Mom. You’re the nurse around here.” I know he likes to be cuddled and have his ears stroked, so that’s about all I can do for him. I did give him an aspirin, thinking that if I could keep him away from chewing on the bloody feet, at least the rest of him might feel better. I wonder if his stomach feels like mine. Empty. There’s no way a morsel of food would stay down tonight. Or even make its way down. Pray for Lucky puppy. He is, after all, 98 years old, but I just don’t want him to hurt or feel scared. Even Snickers knows something’s up – she’s hovering around him like she has a job to do. If God takes him, I can accept that, but please oh God, make it be painless. And please tell me all good dogs go to heaven. I know You’re hurting, too -2 Corinthians 1:7. Wow.
No tea tonight – won’t go down.

Happy Birthday to Me.

// July 28th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

OK, so it’s not my birthday. But it was my birthday “weekend” (like at my age I need one of those) and I got a birthday pie and I got birthday presents and I got birthday hugs and spent time with birthday friends. Ol’ practical me. Sometimes God speaks through friends….and Walm@rt gift cards, free produce, and shampoo samples. Now I’m prayerfully drained and it’s bedtime but I can’t stop praying now – it’s just too early. He’s still got some work to do, some light to shine, some grace to give, some hearts to enter, some heads to clear. I will help like it’s my job. Because it is.

No tea at Gma’s

Melt. Now. Please.

// July 26th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

As I ponder the blog settings

// July 23rd, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Which font to choose for my blog? Perhaps this will help:

Went to a Garden Party….

// July 20th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Glorious day today. My grapefruit was perfect – a creation so beautiful it almost defied segmenting. Tea was perfectly steeped (thank you, Brita). Bread toasted just beyond gold. The milled flax seed mixed easily with the almost-too-soft peanut butter, but Lucky has a much easier time licking the knife when it’s soft, so he was particularly happy. He even got an extra helping. 9:00 church was a contemplative worship – a toned-down sermon on prayer, but the usual tear-provoking music. Then KT, R, and I went to PLC together, which is how I love church. Together. Relevant. Inspiring. Funny. Raw. Rockin’. Did I say inspiring? Made old connections in a new way with a couple people I haven’t seen for a while, or know from somewhere else. I love how we are all connected by something – the “Five People” concept. Same thing at a Garden Party this afternoon – old friends (and some really old friends), fast friends, people seemingly resurrected from a past I had temporarily forgotten. Today was definitely a relationship day. And it’s really a good day when someone thinks you are your daughter’s sister (better for me than her, but I needed the boost more).

Have some thinking and praying to do this week – homework of sorts. Transitions are good for all of us, particularly if they don’t blindside you and it’s on your terms. I’m ready.
Bring. It. On.
Tea today: Young Hyson

Then Sings My Soul Saturday

// July 19th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Stinkin’ research

// July 19th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Rather than post on two things that are weighing on my mind this evening, neither is an option that calls for the semi-permanent, “I’ll probably regret this” post. Because I hate conflict. In my head, in my relationships, and in my heart. But I can handle an “agree to disagree” conversation about something dear to my heart – shoddy research reported by the media as NEWS. I have a lot of respect for fair news based on sound journalistic principles (after all, it’s put food on my table for nearly 35 years), but you certainly don’t see that when a news organization tries to glean details from a poorly designed and obviously biased “scientific” study and turns it in to the be-all, end-all of the days news. And a slow news day only makes it worse. Where’s a hurricane when you need it?

Here’s a perfect example: Atkins-Like Diet Beats Others In Study. Shame on you, NEJM! How did this one get through a respectable editorial board?

I hope all of you pork-rind, bacon and Sausage McMuffin (sans the muffin) lovers don’t start nanner-nannering me about the results. I am not impressed in the least with 322 people losing an average of 20 pounds over two years while in an isolated Israelan nuclear research facility and using self-reported data. That’s less than a pound a month! Did I mention this study was funded by the Atkins Foundation? The “Atkins-like” group was encouraged to choose vegetarian sources of fat and protein. Huh?? Where’s the Atkins in that?? Here’s the skinny that hasn’t changed since Adam and Eve (at least they chose the apple over the pig who was surely in the Garden of Eden, hiding from the serpent): Eat less calories than you use, and you will lose weight. A calorie is a calorie. No exceptions. Atkins, Schmatkins. So eat some whole, unprocessed foods for all things good, holy, and healthy, push yourself away from the table the way the Japanese do – when you’re 80% full – and start moving. It’s not rocket science. “Research” like this really gets in my craw. Let common sense prevail, my friends. Now go grab an apple instead of one of those stupid 100 calorie snack packs (this is where Atkins and I agree), and see if you can get those 20 pounds off in less than 2 years and improve your lipid profile with a little functional food.

The sermon tomorrow evening is on “Fasting: Hungry for God.” I can’t wait – published in a Best Seller, will make perfect sense, and will surely lighten my heart. Heavy hearts aren’t healthy.
Tea tonight: Jasmine

I heart prayers.

// July 15th, 2008 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized

I’ve been listening to a series of sermons (I don’t like the word “sermon”- more like teachings, because I’ve truly learned). The first two were on prayer and really struck a nerve with me. I can hardly wait for the next two. Things I know, things I’ve learned, but things I, as an imperfect human, need to be reminded of. When I think of the prayers I’ve sent up to God over the last 57 years, I realize how crude, rude, and extremely selfish I’ve been. Yes, I’ve actually lied to God. (Sure am glad for that Grace gift). Made promises I didn’t keep. Like He didn’t know that?? I mean, He knows what I need, He knows what I want, and He knows it before I ask Him. He knows sometimes I am asking for entirely the wrong thing. He will give me one of three answers every time: Yes, No, or Not Yet. I must trust that His answer is the right one. So as I listen to these teachings again, I fully recognize the bold, raw, unmistakable truth – prayer doesn’t change my situation. It changes me. Over the past few weeks, it’s been huge. He has brought me to a point I wish I’d arrived at about 39 years ago, or even 2 years ago. But I am grateful that I am here now. Peaceful. He’s got my back. He’s a lot smarter than I am. God is really BIG. And tonight, at least for tonight, it feels really, really good. It is not an option for anyone or anything to change this feeling for me right now. I didn’t feel like this 2 weeks ago. I knew I’d turn a corner, I just didn’t know when. I’m in a different place. Now I’m off to practice because I’ll never get good at this prayer gig if I don’t practice, practice, practice. My first two words will be “Thanks, Abba!” Perhaps “You da Man!” will follow.
Tea tonight: Arizona Green with pomegranate

Oh. My.

// July 13th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Good Bye to a Gentle Giant

// July 12th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Michael DeBakey, MD. I heard him speak several times, but only on TV. I remember at the time feeling such admiration and respect for a man I never met, but who had such an impact on my heart of hearts, different from many of the physical hearts he saved. What profound gifts this man was given, not just in the talent, intelligence, ingenuity, and surgical prowess, but in his Christian heart that was so gentle, so giving, so dedicated. This humble man embraced the entire spectrum of human nature with his gifts, from the honored to the dishonored, the rich and poor, the old and the young; nobody was undeserving of his service. His pioneering procedures saved my dad’s life – twice. I studied his work as a worried daughter, and a questioning caregiver, and a determined nurse. Thank you, Dr. DeBakey, for all you gave to the world. You have left it a better place. At some time everyone will be blessed and touched deeply with your service, if they haven’t been already. And to think your heroes were — your parents.
“If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” ~Isaac Newton
Tea today: Earl Grey Green