Monthly Archives: August 2008

Everlasting (a day late).

(scroll down and turn off my playlist first!)
My favorite line in this song is “You will always be the same, Your love will never change….” I need the comfort of that knowledge and since I am only human, I occasionally need to be reminded of how faithful really God is, particularly as we await the storms in the Gulf. Pray with me for the safety of our friends in the south.
Tea today: Green with pomegranate

Fingerprints of God


This song reminds me of someone who warmed my heart this week (it was oh, so cold and spent this week!), because I can see how God has softened her heart. Warmed it. Blessed it.

Put His Fingerprints. All. Over. It.

He has worked through her in the most beautiful ways. I will never doubt that our perspective, heart, or mind can be transformed by His grace. Where there were prolonged whines, there are now simply factual statements that move on. Where there was scowling disagreement when compliments were given, now there is gratitude laced with humility. Where there was sadness and hopelessness, there are now new hopes and “just one more surprise” that push the darkness back to the old places where we refuse to go again. Where there were memories that caused despair and “whys??” there is now an appreciation for growth and understanding and “so whats?” Loneliness morphed into a blessed, prayerful solitude where we are never alone. There are new awakenings to life happenings that are in no way weird or strange or coincidental, but simply a vibrant new awareness to His presence and His plan. Living a life of “me” is gradually pointing toward serving others. “I can’t” is now “I will.” I prayed for this day for so long. I know how sometimes three steps forward means two steps back, but it still means one step ahead. I know. I’ve understood this in my own heart for a very long time. I’m so grateful and blessed with this transformation that oozes the love and mercy of our God who gave everything He had for her, knows her name, and claims her as His own. And everyone else sees it too.

Because that’s just how God rolls.

Had I posted this a year and a half ago, it would have been Casting Crowns singing Does Anybody Hear Her? because she was “running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction.” Thank you, Lord. You have rocked my world to tears today. And wow, do I love Colossians 3:15-17 at this moment.
Tea today: Young Hyson

Grow Old Along With Me…

It seems like only yesterday…” Who would have thought that at age 22 I could actually make a decision I’ve never regretted? OK, so the ribbon sandwiches at the reception wouldn’t have passed muster with many palates today. But it was the ultimate “wedding on a shoestring.” I had second-thoughts about so many decisions before then (and if I’m honest, so many after that) – how can a person so emotionally and spiritually underdeveloped and malnourished, make a choice of a lifetime, and make the right choice? Well I did, with God in my heart guiding me to make decisions. I thought perhaps it was the fear of my father, but now I’m certain, it was the love of my Father that directed us to plan the marriage much more deeply than we planned the wedding. Happy Anniversary, Ron Burgundy. 35 years, 3 kids, lots of hair, a few teeth, and what seems like a ::blink:: later, it has been an honor to be your bride.
Tea today: Green with citrus and ginko

Slow Fade

This is an awesome song and the video is so very powerful, though heart-wrenching. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could be sure that all of God’s children could “be careful little eyes what you see?” This makes me sad for all children who didn’t get to experience the life that God had intended for them, but I know He has something bigger planned for them in His time.

Peace to you this Saturday night.
Tea tonight: Sencha

Thin Skin Thursday.

Nobody likes criticism, but I like to think I’m pretty practical about the source, the truth, and the intent, so I usually take it in stride. I try not to let things get to me, but perhaps it’s my current state of exhaustion, the job, and the bad day yesterday that carried over despite 11 hours of sleep. I’ve compiled some comments said to me in the past couple days that are really digging at my heart. Perhaps if I write them down, I’ll get over it and I can quickly flush my pity pot.

What was said

What I heard

What was (probably) meant

“I’ve always liked that sweater on you!” “You’ve had that sweater a very long time!” “Geez, she’s wearing that again??”
“You must be really busy these days.” “You look horrible.” “You have bags under your eyes and dark circles, get some rest.”
“You’re wearing your hair darker these days.” “Going to get your roots done soon?” “Your roots have grown out and I’m not sure I like it or I’d have said that I did and not what I did say.”
“If there’s anything I can do to help you out, please let me know.” “I’m totally inept at anything you would remotely need, but I got a bad evaluation and I’m trying to suck up for the next one.” “I’m giving you lip service because I was told by ___ that my communication skills stink.”

“You’re usually a lot more tan. No tennis this summer?”

“Hey Queen of Pale, ever heard of Vitamin D?” “You’re a hermit. A very pale hermit.”

Tea tonight: Jasmine

"I’m Not as Good as I Once Was, But I’m As Good Once As I Ever Was…."

That Toby Keith song by sums up my brief (2 hour) return to the tennis court tonight. After a hiatus of over a year, I succumbed to threats and begs from old friends to make a return to what was once a joy I couldn’t wait to feel again. Maybe I anticipated it too much. The trouble is, it wasn’t joyful. It was painful, and for a variety of reasons, and I don’t care to return again, at least for a while.

  1. I arrived 5 minutes late, rushing in, no water, no visor, no towel
  2. My first three shots hit the net
  3. My next three shots went wwaaaayyy out
  4. Seven must be my lucky number
  5. The noise from my shoulder during my serve (that amazingly went in) sounded very similar to the popcorn I made last night. Sadly, the serve kept coming back to me – with a vengeance.
  6. My forehand was errant to the max
  7. I left my backhand at the office
  8. I won 4 games out of about 26 played (that’s the “I’m as good once..” part)
  9. I had surges of unexplainable emotion that literally brought me to tears, wanting to enjoy the game like I used to, but couldn’t
  10. Begged off fall league because of some “balls and chains” in my life right now
  11. Found out one of my tennis “cronies” has bone cancer – pretty much ruined the night for me

The first few months I didn’t play, I mourned and missed it like an old friend. Tennis was who I was, where I found pleasure and release from the daily grind, where I could kick back with people who laughed with at me hysterically, and with whom I shared so much in common besides The Game. And if I say so myself, I was really pretty good competitive. Tonight we all still laughed, shared stories of new grandbabies, recent weddings, engagements, fabulous vacations, and I went through all the motions like a good teammate. Motions, but not e-motions. Only when I got in the car and drove home did the flood of tears hit me while listening to “Made to Worship” and I realized that things are different now.

Tennis apparently isn’t who I am anymore. Maybe it never was. I’ve found some other comforts, other priorities, other peace. But I still love it and the fabulous memories of laughter and the “high” it always gave me. The sound of a bullet off the sweet spot. And that unforgettable smell from the new can of balls. BFFs. I can live with those memories. This is sort of like when your children grow up – you accept it and never forget the memories they created in your heart. Tonight I’ll pray on it a bit. God can always change my mine, my heart. And if He does, perhaps He could tweak that forehand a bit, too. Surely He saw the need tonight.

Tea today: Revolution Acai Green

cOrN dOg.

Lucky loves it when I freeze corn, or when I fix anything, really. He’s underfoot whenever I have a knife or spoon in my hand. He knows my antique electric (is that an oxymoron?) knife will make some random moves and throw a helping or two his way. He stands with his head between my legs to catch the kernels as they fall on his snout. He slurps and licks and my kitchen floor is as clean as a whistle when he’s done. The green beans and tomatoes? Not so much. And if he looks at me saying “More, please?” he knows I’ll throw him an ear of corn all his own. Golden gems for a puppy in his golden years. I have to be careful, though, because he’s terrified of the silks! I guess that’s the weiner in my little corn dog. Iowa State Fair’s got nothing on my corn dog!
Tea today: Young Hyson

On Becoming my Mother

Other than my desk time at work, this was not a sitting day. It’s no wonder I get tired by this time and want to curl up with my Bible, my puppy, and my iPod, in that order. It was Mom who taught me to wear out, not rust out. I’m trying to keep up with her, I guess.

  1. Up at 5:45
  2. Stretched and exercised back
  3. Ate grapefruit, peanut butter toast, tea
  4. Packed lunch (LOL- black currant yogurt, not much work there!)
  5. Showered and went to work (story for another post)
  6. Errands to Target and Walgreen’s
  7. Drove home, changed clothes, walked an hour of God time
  8. Made 6 dozen ham balls for family reunion
  9. Finished cooking and freezing 4 qt of sweet corn (free – thanks Mary!)
  10. Cooked and froze 4 qt of green beans (free – thanks Mom!)
  11. Cleaned up the kitchen (ugh – lots of pans)
  12. Did my exercise ball, washed my face, and now I’m crashed in bed, short blog. I love my bed.
  13. Remembered I forgot to eat supper – oops. Mom wouldn’t have forgotten that.
  14. Laid here feeling a bit like chopped liver (story for another post)
  15. Hi God…it’s me…..You knew that….

Tea tonight: left-over Genmaicha