Measuring Heart
// June 30th, 2010 // 7 Comments » // My Fabulous Life
Image: Google Images
It’s that time of year again. The time I take a black and white form with criteria and numbers, give a number “rating” to each of the nurses in my departments and tell them how well they have done their jobs this past year. I’m required to judge them on their performance and how they exhibit the values of our organization.
Judge. It’s a terrifying word. They prefer we call it “evaluate” but it feels more like judgment to me.
And it makes me squirm.
The process isn’t perfect; I’ve yet to see a performance appraisal form from any organization that is ideal. It’s not as objective as it was intended to be, and try as I might, my bias always enters into it because of the relationships I’ve formed with this group of women with whom I have laughed, cried, prayed, and maybe even cussed a bit. Maybe. (But not in front of patients, mind you).
If someone shakes out as an “average” employee, their evaluations are easy. They show up, do their job, they’re nice to people, they’re professional. That “meets expectations.”
I find myself measuring heart, day in and day out. ECGs. Ejection Fractions. Lab values. Heart rates. Blood pressures. That’s all pretty cut and dried. But when it comes to measuring the hearts of these nurses who have been so encouraging, so sensitive, and with whom I spend over a third of my day with, the one-through-five scale just doesn’t cut it for me.
There isn’t a number high enough to give the nurse who’s cracked the tough shell of denial of an angry patient.
There isn’t a number high enough for the nurse who comes in to discuss a patient’s financial concerns with me and breaks down in tears of compassion.
There isn’t a number high enough for the coworkers who rise above huge patient loads and pull off a day that in the eyes of the patient was a “well-oiled machine” but to us was “semi-controlled chaos.”
There isn’t a number high enough for the one who senses angst in another coworker, and rallies the troops around her to support her, sometimes without even knowing the problem. Just simply knowing that one is there.
There isn’t a number high enough for the nurse who says “I love how my job challenges me and makes me grow.”
There isn’t a number high enough for the nurse who works an 11 hour day, and before leaving, stops in to tell you “I love my job.”
There isn’t a number high enough to give the nurse who returns from vacation and says “It’s so good to be back.”
In the end, the numbers just don’t go high enough to suit me, or more appropriately, to suit this group of women in whom I’d trust my life. Consistently exceeding expectations and serving as role models.
I’m thanking God for surrounding me with such awesomeness.
At the risk of being “Dooced” this post reflects only my opinion and is not intended in any way to be critical of my employer or their evaluation process. Imperfect people cannot form a perfect organization now, can they?
