In which I chase a small white dog while carrying a cook’s knife
// July 1st, 2010 // My Fabulous Life
I stopped by to see my FINIRL (formerly imaginary, now in real life) friend Sara yesterday. I had a great excuse, even though she says I don’t need a reason to barge in on her peaceful day and be that annoying visitor. A special day it was – seedless watermelon was really, really cheap at The Walmarts, and if the truth be known, Sara and I could probably take on the whole internet in a watermelon eating contest. And win.
Knowing I was going to stop by after work, I sent her a message on Twitter and asked her if she had a large, heavy knife, to which she replied:
“The biggest knife I have is one that has an edge like for cutting a loaf of bread. Will that work? Are you laughing at me?”
To which I replied “Yes, I’m laughing. I’ll bring my own.”
So stop I did, with a few weird foods for her to try like mango peach salsa and organic crystallized ginger. I suppose some time I should just bring a Russett potato or a bag of Wonder Bread so she doesn’t think I’m totally food-crazed and whacked out in the head.
When I went to leave, Riley escorted me to the door. (Definition of escort: bark incessantly, leap on back legs in true Riley-bar-the-door fashion). At the last second I asked Sara if the boxes on the table needed to go the garbage, so I grabbed them, along with my purse, my water bottle, and yes, my cherished 16 cm Wüsthof watermelon Classic Cook’s knife, and lumbered out the door.
That’s when this little white motorized fur ball bolted between my legs out the door, into the hall and greeted a young man returning home to his condo in the same building. Barking incessantly. (Riley, not the young man). Not wanting Riley on the loose, I ran after him, dropped the boxes, but still had the knife, so when the gentleman looked at me as Riley had stopped to err… sniff….his leg, he sees the the glint of well-honed steel and a manic look on my face.
Me, a stranger, chasing a small white dog. With a shiny knife. And cardboard boxes. Not an ounce of suspicion there.
I did some Riley Rangling to get him back into his condo safe with Sara, and profusely apologized to the young man. He held the door open as I carried the boxes out to the dumpster. He stood much further than knife-length from me and was quick to shut the door and let me depart.
Only two watermelons were harmed in the process. Destroyed, actually.
Nom. Nom.
Tea today: Stash Green and White Fusion
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26 Responses to “In which I chase a small white dog while carrying a cook’s knife”
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FUNNNYYYYY! Chuckled,too…which for me….is huge! Thanks for making my day a little better… glad @katdish mentioned you
That @katdish koolaid is good stuff, huh? Thanks for stopping by, Aaron!
LOVE your ending.
Nom nom indeed!
There is nothing like watermelon on a hot Iowa day. Unless it’s Sara, Riley, and watermelon on a hot Iowa day.
HA! I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!
Do not arouse the wrath of the great and powerful Oz. Or Riley, either.
All I have to say is…. HAHAHAHA!!
To which Riley would say “YaYaYa” – absolutely no “woof” in that pup.
Poor Riley must have thought you had suddenly snapped and turned into a raging carnivore.
Or that you were going to harvest a little fur for @redclaydiaries little uh… canine knitting fetish.
I’ll have to tell Sara to save Riley’s clippings next time. His fur is so soft, it would be an awesome Snuggie.
Oh no… how friendly did he get with the neighbor?!?!
My pup was in rare form last night… we haven’t scared you off yet, have we?
nom. nom.
Just briefly friendly, but friendly
He was a nice guy. But then I was the one with the knife.
Don’t forget, I had a hyper pooch too, about 60 pounds heavier. It’s how they show luhvvv.
I’ll bet I finished my watermelon before you did.
#upallnight
hahahaha! this was awesome to read!
and i wondered the same thing as sara… did riley celebrate hump day with the man in the hallway?!
This post totally should have been titled “humpday.” I’m just not that quick, dang it!
Very funny. I could see you in my head, coming after the pup with a knife, and the young man looking on in horror.
It scares me that you see me in your head, Helen. I hope you sleep well tonight
This is quite a post! Mine pale in comparison, Candy. I could just picture you running down the hall with that knife…you crack me up!
I’m beginning to wonder if there were security cameras….
Smirk, snort. That was great. Did you at least explain to the man that the dog was sniffing what you were doing? Because I haven’t seen you around for a couple days and it wouldn’t surprise me if he reported you.
What? Doesn’t everyone run around with a knife in their hand? No? Hmmm. Maybe that’s why I get so many weird looks.
You’re such a ninja, Wendy.
I always run around with a knife in my hand. Then again, I’m a mailman. Mmm, watermelon…
It’s part of your dress code, I assume. That, and the cowboy hat.
Hello! Good to meet ya. I popped over from Katdish’s. You sport a lovely nurses uniform, btw.
This is my first stop at your place. Seems we may have things in common–especially in the food area. Me? I am a raw food vegan. You might understand this term. Mostly I get heads cocked to the side, eyeballs rolled back, raised eyebrows, and some really fake nods of understanding when I try to explain my meat-free existence.
Okay, did you sit down with a spoon or just eat the watermelon with your face planted in its middle (like I would have done)?
And that knife story–don’t we all have at least one? Like me hollering at my younger sister with said blade in hand. I forgot I was holding it, really I did. She called the police in an act of childishness. So I yanked the cord outta the wall right in the middle of the call. (That was before call-tracking–wonder what the police were thinking?) Golly, mom told me on her way out to make sure we did our chores. I was just obeying mamma…
Blessings.
Here is my mostly neglected food site.
http://simplerawhealth.blogspot.com/
Enough rambling…
I certainly do understand “raw food vegan” and wish I had the wherewithal to do just that! I love my cheese, and I do eat some meat, but not much at all.
I actually left the watermelon just for Sara, then came home and did the face plant into my own. I could eat (and have) an entire watermelon in one sitting.
Thanks for stopping by – love the poetry on your blog and intend to visit your food site too!
Wonderful title. Great story and picture, too! I love when circumstances change a normal situation into something a little crazy like that. . . .