Steele (the Day)

If Only…

// February 8th, 2011 // 19 Comments » // Faith, My Fabulous Life

How often do we look at our circumstances and think “If only…”?

If only my child wasn’t sick…

If only I had more money…

If only I could find someone to spend the rest of my life with…

If only I’d get this job…

We’re pretty self-centered visitors here. Our vision tends to focus upon things changing for us, while we remain our same old self inside. We don’t want to do the work. We don’t want to submit. We don’t want to sacrifice. We don’t want to admit that the only real way for most things to change is to change our heart and our minds.

A renewed look with God-breathed eyes. It can’t be done alone.

The most beautiful renewals I have witnessed have come from renewed hearts, not a change in circumstances. A young woman who feels hopelessly single has a total transformation of her heart and finds that single isn’t hopeless after all. And pretty soon, she’s not even single. So very often a renewed heart will be followed by a change in circumstances, simply because we’re seeing them with new eyes.

Some of the most joyful people I know, from all outside appearances, have every reason to desire something to change in their lives – illness, suffering relationships, poverty. Yet they shine a light into darkness. And no, not all of these people are Christians, but I still believe deep down that God works in everyone, whether they believe in Him or not. He listens. He answers prayers. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no, but it seems to me that more often than not His answer is “Wait.”

And in that wait, He changes things, mostly hearts, sometimes circumstances, but always with a firm hand of love. He knows what’s good for us. He know the things that separate us from Him and the person He wants us to be. And He disciplines us until in our hearts, we feel it. We believe it. We know it.

I’ve often prayed Darlene Zschech’s lyrics from Power of Your Love: “Lord renew my mind, as Your will unfolds in my life…” Those words speak volumes. His will be done; He makes all things new.

Seek the new; embrace the renewal. It’s life-giving.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;to be made new in the attitude of your minds and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 4:22-24

This post is my contribution to the “One Word at a Time” blog carnival hosted by Peter Pollock. Visit his site for the other contributions and or follow #owaat on Twitter.

Tea today: Batavia Green

I Break Stuff

// January 11th, 2011 // 13 Comments » // Faith, Family

Reflecting on this week, the angst of brokenness is all too palpable. The shootings in Arizona. The news of a friend with a dismal diagnosis. A plane crash killing a local physician and his passenger, one who has cared for my family for decades.

It’s everywhere, and I’ve come to expect it. Stuff happens.

But I also thought about how much breaking I’ve done on my own over the span of my life. The first time I can recall “breaking” (or in this case, ruining something) is when I spilled nail polish on my mom’s brand new tablecloth in the living room when I was probably about 7. You know the kind of tablecloth – it’s round, and it fits over one of those K-Mart cardboard tables to pretend there’s really a table under there, but actually it’s a flimsy tablecloth holder-upper. The polish was a bright pink, and as the bottle tipped, seemingly in slow motion, I knew the new tablecloth was a goner. I also knew Mom had probably squandered grocery money from the family budget to save for it.

It was going to break her heart.

I mopped up what I could, then moved an ash tray to cover it up. (We had a lot of them back in those days). It was several weeks before Mom noticed. Now, not only was her new tablecloth ruined, but I had broken a little piece of her heart. I just didn’t tell her I did it, but I’m sure she knew. My dad and brother didn’t often wear nail polish.

I never apologized. Now that’s a broken person right there.

How many other times have I snubbed a friend, dashed a hope, or walked away from someone in need, only to leave them in some state of brokenness? How often do I break my self-imposed rules of order, exercise, or nutrition? What about those resolutions? Not necessarily the ones made at the start of the New Year, but the ones I resolve throughout my life. It’s like I’m dared to break them.

Every time something breaks, a little something dies. It changes the mood, the intention, or sometimes a life. We can choose to let that brokenness affect our hearts, our attitudes, and our actions in one of two ways.

NO or GO.

NO, I’m going to stagnate and be paralyzed in this brokenness or GO, do something about it.

I know someone who was broken once, nearly to the point of rock bottom. Though rational thought told me it was not my fault, I bore a lot of the responsibility for it. When you love someone, you coach and mentor them through the big and little breaks, you help them understand that broken is what we are and it has a purpose. I don’t think I did that very well.

But God did.

He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.

~Psalm 147:3

Boy, did He. A broken spirit, heart, and body was transformed into a life lived for Him, centered around His desires for relationships and community, and only looking back at the broken to see how far the blessed journey has come. Just like I didn’t break it (this time), I didn’t fix or redeem it.

The choice was GO. With Him. It’s always the best choice.

Even though I continue to break stuff on a daily basis – chip a favorite plate, ding a fender, or snap a favorite piece of jewelry in half, that stuff doesn’t matter.

All that matters is that He fixes and redeems his children’s hearts, loves them into redemption, but often brings us to our knees to find the parts in us that are broken.

I learned a long time ago, when He brings me to my knees, He’s fixing something. And it’s going to be good.

This post is a part of the One Word at a Time Blog Carnival hosted by the amazing Peter Pollock. Visit his site for the other entries on Brokenness.

Tea tonight: Young Hyson