Steele (the Day)

Easter Reminder: How He Loves

// April 4th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Faith

Have a blessed Easter, dear readers. May your faith be renewed on this glorious day.

Tea today: Chinese flower

Solitude

// July 6th, 2009 // 23 Comments » // Uncategorized

Is your head ever so full of thoughts and emotions and intentions that you become totally separated from the world around you? What do you do when your mind is spinning?

Sometimes family will say “What are you mad about?” or “What’s wrong with you?” when I am lost in thought. I can’t chat because my head is just too loud and I’m trying to quiet it.

I was like that today.

After an extremely emotional church service and beautiful worship music, I just felt like my head was going to explode. It was one of those messages you want all of your kids to hear (and anyone else in your life), just to share the common awe. What happens to me is that when I continue to reflect long after the message is over and the tasks at hand have begun, I become very quiet.

This is not the usual me. I’m known to just blurt out random things, but not this time. My head (and heart) were reeling and I felt the need to be with those thoughts. Not alone, just with God and what message he was so strongly sending me, about how he cares more about my character than my comfort (thanks, Rick Warren), and I wanted to soak all that in. It was one of those Sundays when you wonder if the pastor was peeking into your life and brain all week, and he knew what you needed to hear.

Ron Burgundy and KT went for a run this afternoon and I was shortly behind on my bike. I rode the 21+ miles up to the labyrinth and back, alone with my thoughts. Sort of – I listened to the last of the “Q” series again, like twice wasn’t enough. I can see why someone hacked Pete Wilson’s Twitter account. I’d like to hack his brain.

My ride was pretty quiet – said hello to lots of people, gave directions to the A&W to one couple, then ran into an old friend who demanded a stare-down with me. I won. She ran quickly into the woods as I tried to take her picture without the zoom. Didn’t help that my hands were shaking. I don’t think she knew I was more scared of her than she was of me. Truth be told, we’re both pretty harmless. And then I found some of that “knee high by the Fourth of July” corn we grow here in Iowa and sort of dreamed about walking into it and disappearing like all of Shoeless Joe’s friends did in Field of Dreams. For the record, I’m standing up in this picture. I did walk into the field, but came out the same person, in the flesh. And sweat. Imagine that.
It was all in all a good day, though I’m still feeling rather pensive. RB and I worked on some budget items tonight and he’s crashed in bed after a long, hot 8 mile run. KT has gone back to her home away from home, and hopefully tomorrow we’ll all wake up after a peaceful night’s sleep and remember that it’s a new day and God is the same as he was the day before and the day before that and the day before that….

He’s got everything covered.

Tea today: green with pomegranate

Final Goodbye

// June 30th, 2009 // 6 Comments » // Uncategorized

Coach Thomas praying with his team before the West Marshall game 2008 – the first game after an EF-5 tornado destroyed much of Parkersburg a year ago, including the high school and Coach’s home.

Today our community said goodbye to Coach Thomas. Not just our community – friends, former students, and former athletes from all over the country. College coaches. Local farmers. A US Senator and our Governor. The tiny town of Parkersburg, Iowa was transformed into a grieving sea of people from all walks of life.

Ron Burgundy, Rick Coleman, and I stood in line for 3 1/2 hours last night to pay our respects to the family. The visitation was supposed to be from 3:30 to 8. We went at 7:00 and the line snaked through the tiny town of P’burg. Around 8:15 a friend of the family wandered to the end of the line and said “The family will stay until you have all been through. They want to speak to each of you.” We got home at 11:45 pm.

The Thomas family literally held up every one of those mourners as they went through the line. Only God could give them that strength.

We’re talking thousands of people here, folks. People from every walk of life. People from every demographic. People of every race, creed, and color. Those are the people Ed touched. Most of them were not football players.

While we waited in line, we saw old friends and shared funny stories. It was impressive to see the players who played for Coach and are now in the NFL come back to honor him as pall bearers. The chatter became more somber as we neared the church, and the sight as we entered was breathtaking. Flowers, plants, photographs, and memorabilia everywhere. Coach’s life flashing in front of our eyes.

As we stood by the casket, the largest of two strong, burly, kick-boxing men I was with was reduced to tears. Sobbing, shoulder-shaking tears. I always carry Kleenex, and Rick didn’t have his man-bag.

Ed’s wife hugged my two companions who had been a part of Ed’s life like she would never let them go. Like she couldn’t let them go. Their lives had been intertwined for many years. The church is quite small, and only family and close friends were given invitations to sit in the church for the funeral. The family asked Ron and Rick to be among them. The overflow would be in the community center and available via video feed.

Not wanting to take seats away from family, these two humble men hemmed and hawed, but the family insisted.

As we walked the 6 blocks back to the car, Ronnie said to me “I don’t think I’ve ever been so honored by anything in my life.” That’s saying a lot. After all, this guy has a key to the city and had a street named after him, among other things. All of those things paled in comparison.

Because this honor was all about relationships. And love. And God.

And a relationship with a loving God.

They had that in common more than anything.

At the service today, Ed’s eldest son said “You can be sad the rest of the day, but come tomorrow, once you wake up, it’s time to get going … There’s a lot of work to be done in this town.” That’s what his dad would have wanted him to say.

You can read more stores and memories about Coach here.

I still don’t understand, but after listening to Pete Wilson’s final “Q” series tonight, I was l left refreshed by a couple of Pete’s comments:

Ron put together his final tribute to Coach Thomas tonight. You owe it to yourself to watch.

Now let’s get going. Coach would want us to.

Tea tonight: green with acai

I Just Don’t Understand

// June 25th, 2009 // 12 Comments » // Uncategorized

This little blog post will go buried in the searches on ESPN.com, CNN.com, and FoxNews.com, but I’m feeling a need to let my own heart grieve through my keyboard.

A year ago I posted here and here about a small town just a few miles from us that suffered devastating loss of life and possessions from an F-5 tornado. There were so many hurting people, and the Cedar Valley rallied around them in support.

In the midst of the rebuilding, the local football coach showed his exquisite leadership as he led his team in the reconstruction, vowing to have the football field ready for the first home game, despite the fact his own home and the school had been leveled. Football has been the cornerstone of this small Iowa town, and what better way to acknowledge recovery than to have their champion team back on the field, fondly known as the “Sacred Acre,” with the entire town in the stands on that September Friday night celebrating their survival of a natural disaster.

Today, Coach Ed Thomas was shot and killed by one of his former players.

This man was a legendary football coach, the 2005 NFL High School Coach of the Year, he shepherded 4 players who currently play the NFL, and was above all, a man of God. A deacon in his church and a mentor to thousands over his 34 years of coaching and teaching in Parkersburg, his goal was to make sure his students and athletes were the best young men and women they could be.

It was well known that his priorities were
1. Faith
2. Family
3. Football

He never put those in any other order.

I knew Coach Thomas as “the formidable opposition” when my boys played football. When I took the leap to be a high school tennis coach, he was an encouraging and inspiring teacher in my coaching certification class. Coaching and mentoring young people was his passion. But he was an inspiration to this non-traditional student as well.

Tonight my heart aches in so many directions. Like my daughter told me tonight, God knew this was the plan long before it happened. I know I will find more comfort in those words as time passes.

The father of the young man who shot Coach T serves as a deacon in the same church as Coach and is a friend of the family. He played on Coach’s first football team in Parkersburg in 1975. The accused’s younger brother is a senior on the A-P football team this fall. Coach and the shooter’s father often prayed together for the life of turmoil this young man was leading. The collateral damage of this troubled young man’s actions is unmeasurable – the ripples go far beyond this small Iowa town of 3,000 and extend across our nation because of the number of lives he has touched over the years.

In a news conference today, Coach Thomas’ son Aaron so eloquently asked for prayer for his family, as well as a request to keep the shooter’s family in our prayers. And Ron Burgundy put his whole heart into this tribute to Coach Thomas.

I just don’t understand. But I have faith that someday I will. Tonight I will wrestle with either Jerry Bridges or Harold Kushner as I try to put some perspective on this.

But for now, I just don’t understand. And I think God’s OK with that, because it literally brings me to my knees – again.

Praying on Wheels

// June 23rd, 2009 // 11 Comments » // Faith, My Fabulous Life

It was one of those days – I felt like I was the complaint department, a procrastinator, and a whipping post, all rolled into one. I started out the day with a delightful to-do list, and by 5:00, a half-hour after alleged quitting time, I multitasked quickly, eating my leftover yogurt, berries, and granola leftover from lunch at my desk. And stared blankly at the list with not one thing crossed off.

I apparently got paid to work a day for which I had nothing to show except a few satisfied people. So in reality, I worked with all my heart. It had to be good enough, because I could work no longer.

I needed a bike ride – badly. Quiet time, away from my phone, my computer, and out in the beautiful sun that kept peeking through the window of the exercise lab while all the patients moaned “how dad-gum hot it is out there.”

Grabbing my stuff, I hopped in my car. This was going to be one cool ride. Surely a bike ride would be better than the first 10 minutes in a car that was probably 120 degrees, because this is what my thermometer said it was like outside. It was only a few months ago that same thermometer read -21 degrees! For certain, I had not had enough water yet today.

I hit the bike trail and listened to Louie Giglio, then Fee, then a little Andy Stanley. And I rode up to my favorite place, the labyrinth. I love walking through there and praying, and recalled how many times I’ve done that in the past few years, and trying to recall what was weighing on my heart at the time. Whatever it was, it had passed.

It was usually one of the kids. It’s always at least one of the kids. Because you never stop worrying about them and you pray for them incessantly.

Other than the rocks in my bike sandals, it’s such a peaceful place to be. One foot in front of the other.

Time escaped me, as it often does when I’m lost in prayer, song, and scripture lessons. I headed back a little later than I had intended. The darkness doesn’t scare me, but an empty water bottle and feeling like I had a blood sugar of about 30 does. My yogurt wasn’t sticking to my ribs much at this point. And yes, it was very, very HOT.

I pulled into our neighborhood weak, tired, dehydrated, but feeling much more peaceful than when I left home. Sometimes I pray very hard for people in my life to see things the way I think that God wants them to see. Or maybe for them to just view circumstances with another set of eyes. To have faith in God’s vision for their lives rather than their own vision. To let go of the plans they have and to submit to His plan. And in the process to stop and thank Him for a sunset that you might have missed if you hadn’t been paying attention.

How many sunsets have you missed without paying attention to them? He painted them just for you, you know.

Tea tonight: are you kidding me?? Water, water, banana, shower, and bed! No tea for me!

The Mother’s Day Post

// May 10th, 2009 // 12 Comments » // Uncategorized

It would be a nice daughterly thing to do – to write a tribute to my Mom today. But frankly, (who is the stalwart, younger brother of Surely and Certainly), she has had plenty of exposure here, so today on Mother’s Day, it’s…

Whose blog is this, anyway?

It’s about a mom who was brokenhearted to see them grow up, but it most certainly would have killed her very quickly if they hadn’t.

It’s about a mom who was once told she could stop worrying after her child gets married – by someone who didn’t know that marriage adds a daughter-in-law to a mom’s heartstrings and prayer list.

It’s about a mom who struggles more with the heartaches and stresses that befall her kids more than she has ever struggled with her own angst.

It’s about a mom who can’t walk through a home that has been void of kids for 10 years without thinking of something they said or did and be reduced to tears, but mostly “good” tears.

It’s about a mom whose heart races when one of her kid’s pictures rings on her cell phone – but always with that tucked-away fear of “I hope nothing’s wrong…”

It’s about a mom who is so proud of each of her kids because they finally learned from their mistakes, yet knows they will continue to do so.

It’s about a mom will never forget about the B’s. Dyed blue hair, boobs bitten off Barbie dolls by a brother, brushes with the law, beer bongs, and bashed-in vehicles…but has forgiven it all. Really.

It’s about a mom who is so certain of the future happiness of her daughter, that meltdowns are not taken to heart as painfully as they once were. (A “mom is always right” fact).

It’s about a mom who loves to hear “How do I … ?” from one of her kids.

It’s about a girl who was blindsided on a Saturday afternoon by a friend who turned out to be exactly the marrying, mom-making kind, so that one kid is like him, one is like her, and one is like both. Three kids. One of each.

It’s about a mom who knows these kids have never really been hers, but belong to the Lord. She was just the boss of them for a short time. Sadly, they thought she was joking when she’d tell them that.

He will teach and care for them much better than she could ever have dreamed, as long as their hearts are open to Him and they listen. He will be there for them longer, more consistently, and with much more grace than she ever was or will be. He will forgive more quickly than she did, and of course He will never forget.

And like her, He will always love them unconditionally.

Happy Mother’s Day to me!
It’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to.

Tea today: Genmaicha

Laughing With

// May 9th, 2009 // 7 Comments » // Uncategorized

One of those songs that’s been on repeat in my head over and over all week.
(Turn off my playlist on the left sidebar first or TobyMac might ruin it for you.)

Important Recall Notice

// April 11th, 2009 // 5 Comments » // My Fabulous Life

The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed “Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality,” or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some other symptoms include:

• Loss of direction
• Foul vocal emissions
• Amnesia of origin
• Lack of peace and joy
• Selfish or violent behavior
• Depression or confusion in the mental component
• Fearfulness
• Idolatry
• Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention!
GOD

P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by knee-mail.

Mad props to my friend Helen for helping spread the Word.
Tea today: Stash Fusion Green and White

I Loved Them Enough, But Did I Love Them Right??

// February 6th, 2009 // 10 Comments » // Uncategorized

One of my IVL friends posted the question on her blog the other day, asking if we (the blogosphere) have any regrets. My first impulse was to say “Who, me? What in the world could I possibly regret?” Then this little voice in my head (or was it the voice in my little head?) said “Shut up and don’t answer, or you’ll hog the entire comments section…”

My kids are all smart in very different ways. There’s tremendous some common sense, enviable some critical thinking skills, good great writing talent, and great above average analytical thinking. None were fiscally prudent as teens and young adults, but then, they didn’t exactly have Warren Buffet as a mentor.

They were blessed with SuckerMom. You want it? You got it. Because I love you.

I’m proud that they have grown up to be kind, respectful, and loving, but not always to each other. They’re siblings.

In other words, they are human. Beautifully, wonderfully, perfectly, and yes, sinfully human. Born in His image, made to seek Him, and still searching for the answers to life.

I often wonder why I didn’t teach my offspring to deal with disappointment with a little more grace and acceptance and as a routine part of life. How to tough out the disasters and heartbreak life hurls at you. To “find the glory in suffering.” To recognize that God will not keep them in the darkness, yet He never promised them a perfectly happy life either – on earth, at least.

I probably wouldn’t have listened to this advice had it been given to me at the right time. I commented to a blog friend today, I want some “do-overs.” The consequences for not getting it right the first time are very heavy today.

But if I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t make it quite so easy for them. As a matter of fact, I would have made them darned close to miserable.

A bit poorer. A little more tired. And a lot hungrier.

Rather than doing the paper route myself and allow a teenager to sleep in because I loved him so much, I would drag his sorry butt out of bed…because I loved him so much.

Rather than not make a careless, unapologetic teenager pay to fix the dented garage door frame because I loved him so much, I would make him work his skinny tushy off and figure out how to get that door frame fixed…because I loved him so much.

Rather than offering a mall shopping trip (lunch included) to a sobbing teen rejected by friends because I loved her so much, I would talk it out, let her cry it out, and show her how to suck it up…because I loved her so much.

Life stinks sometimes. It throws us curve balls, fast balls, and we get beaned by foul balls. It breaks hearts, spirits, and wills. But God will never leave us where we are – He is only asking us to perservere because He has so many wonderful plans for us, and He wants us to feverishly seek Him in order to fulfill those plans. Sometimes He will bring us to our knees, sometimes flat on our faces, sometimes even drag us through the mud – just to get our attention. He doesn’t care if we come to Him angry, questioning, and untrusting – He just wants us to come to Him, and beg for His mercy. Because any relationship with Him is the start to a wonderful relationship with Him. And He has such wonderful plans for that relationship.

It’s a tough lesson to learn as an adult, but it’s never too late to learn.

I asked for riches that I might be happy; I was given poverty that I might be wise.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life; I was given life that l might enjoy all things.

I was given nothing that I asked for; But everything that I had hoped for.

Tea today: Young hyson

Kurt Warner: Not Just Any QB

// January 11th, 2009 // 10 Comments » // Faith, Family, My Fabulous Life

So the Arizona Cardinals win last night. Woo hoo!

I’m not a big football fan. I’m not a big Cardinals fan. I’ve been to Arizona twice.

But I am a big Kurt Warner fan.

Who wouldn’t be?

Football does not define him. Read his book “All Things Possible.” It will convince you. He is truly a man of God with undying devotion to his family. And it wasn’t a simple, clean, easy road for him. Is it ever?

I don’t care if you call me a groupie. Go Cardinals, Go Kurt, Rah Yeah God! (and not necessarily in that order).

(Photo taken in Cedar Falls at a fund raiser for the Red Cross after Kurt & St. Louis Rams 2000 Superbowl win – many hairstyles and lens changes ago! But Ron Burgundy never changes. How does that work??)

Tea today: Green with Lemon & Ginseng