Posts Tagged ‘grace’

The Greatest Kind of Grief

// November 30th, 2009 // No Comments » // Faith

Time again for the “One Word at a Time” blog carnival with our host, Peter Pollock. Stop by his blog and join us!

Grief.

If given the choice, none of us would probably choose to experience grief in even it’s simplest form. It assumes loss – loss of life, loss of health, even the loss of our sense of self.

It is impossible to avoid, foolish to deny, yet inevitable for growth.

Grief chooses us, but it doesn’t mean we must live in it’s grip.

At the risk of sounding insensitive, I can’t completely grasp the concept of prolonged grief when someone dies. Many people close to me have died – my father, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends. It was sad. I cried. But to me, after a short period of mourning, death loses it’s sting because of what my faith tells me. I won’t deny the occasional thought of a sad memory that conjures up feelings and tears of missing them, but grief? Not so much.

In the words of the venerable Dr. Seuss:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.

Please, God, don’t test me in these thoughts.

To me, the greatest grief is the loss of a real-life relationship. When bitterness and envy and greed enter into hearts and harden them. When understandings fade. When closeness separates. When opinions collide in a broken heap of rudeness, pride, mockery, and jealousy. Where laughter ceases and tears begin. Trust pales. This is where I find the greatest grief, because it has a way of hanging around, dancing this vicious circle in our hearts and heads, allowing the enemy the next dance.

There must be some good in grief. I don’t believe for one minute that God created such a potent emotion without purpose. He will fix the broken, mend the torn, and bestow the grace that comes with His abundant love. The “good” in grief?

It brings us to our knees as we cry out and bare our souls to the One who loves us the most. And I have no doubt that in our angst, He cries right beside us, wanting our relationship with Him restored as well. Wanting all relationships restored. He wept, but His work did not stop there. Ours must not either.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4



Tea today: green with pomegranate

Tragedy Averted

// July 20th, 2009 // 8 Comments » // Uncategorized

It’s been too long since I’ve posted, so knowing we were going to be spending the weekend at the river for my traditional birthday celebration, I figured I’d wait and show some of the traditional birthday festivities.

Mom loves to go all out. Remember when I wrote about the money “shirts” and the gifted cemetary plot at Easter? I knew I’d have another story to tell after the weekend. But never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be this. But let’s start with a picture of the view from Mom’s living room window, because the weekend started out beautifully serene.

T
he amazing grace of God entered a riverside park in Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin as we completed our church service this morning.

It was a beautiful, though unseasonably cool summer Wisconsin morning, and St. Peter Lutheran Church (the one Mom attends while she lives at her trailer on the river summer home in Wisconsin) was having its very first outdoor service. There were about 200 people gathered in the park and under and around the gazebo. The praise band was at one end of the gazebo, their backs to the river, so the congregation watched them and the pastor’s message whilst the Mighty Mississippi lazily flowed and the lush trees on the Iowa side of the river served as a gorgeous backdrop.

My mom, Ron Burgundy, Abby (my new daughter-in-law) and I pondered where to sit. At first we were going off to the right side of the gazebo, then Mom spied some friends off to the left, so she wanted to sit behind them. We parked our lawn chairs and it was a perfect spot. Little did we know at that time how perfect it would be.

About 20 feet of space stood between the band
and the wrought iron fence that served as a guard rail to the river, which was about a 50 foot drop below. The way the river is dredged and the retaining wall is built, there is no shoreline. The river is very deep, probably as deep as the main channel, which is about 9 feet – deep enough to allow for barge traffic.

After the band played their final song, pastor said “Go in Peace, Serve the Lord,” Abby and I got ready to stand and immediately heard a horrible crashing sound. Within seconds, we saw a car quickly heading down the hill on our right toward a crowd of people, crashed into a picnic table next to the gazebo, splintering wood everywhere, swerved and drove behind the band, hit the iron fence leaving an open gap, then quickly turned toward the crowd again, as if going in an out-of-control circle.

And then, just a foot away from another picnic table it stopped. People were running and scattering everywhere. I called 911 on my cell phone, and when the operator answered I told her what had happened. She asked me where we were and I went blank, but I looked up and right in front of me was a sign on the gazebo “Lawler Park Shelter Reserved for St. Peter’s Church…” I don’t remember seeing that sign earlier, but it was obviously there in the picture.

Fortunately, only one person was hurt – an elderly gentleman who had wandered over to the park from the Fireman’s breakfast to visit with friends. He was pretty shocky and was having a lot of pain in his legs and hip. RB sat and held his right leg and others sat there also trying to calm him while we waited for the ambulance. The lady driving the car was very shaken, but apparently not hurt. As expected, she felt horrible about the incident and couldn’t explain what happened.

Had we put our chairs in the initial location we chose, we would have been directly in the path of the runaway car.

And had Floyd, one of Mom’s friends, not spotted Ron Burgundy across the gazebo and was making his way over to greet him, he would have been in the exact spot where the side of the gazebo was smashed.

In no way do I consider this a brush with death. Merely another brush with life.

Oh, the plans God has for us.

When I think of all of the children who were there just seconds before the car went through, the youth group we prayed for as they head out on a mission trip, the elderly who couldn’t move very quickly to get out of the way, and how that lady’s car avoided going straight down that 50 foot rock wall into the river, it’s nothing short of a miracle that only one man was injured.

I’ll leave you with a few more light-hearted birthday memories that pale in comparison to the relief we all felt when the park incident was over.

Mom baked me a birthday pie instead of a cake. I don’t eat cake much. Actually I don’t eat pie either, but the special peach pie was mostly for Ron Burgundy.

Rather than the traditional “
shirt,” Grandma had way too much time on her hands and decided to tape my birthday bills together end-to-end. Abby and I tossed the roll back and forth across the room to see exactly how long a ribbon of 58 bills is. Very. Long.

Ben joined us this afternoon on his way back from a softball tournament. That little boy (I don’t see him as a grown man with a bride just yet) sure loves the river! I still see him toddling down to the dock with Grandpa and his fishing pole. I think he does, too.

And then a final parting shot on the bluff before we hopped in the car and drove safely home.

Tea today: Tazo Zen

I Just Don’t Understand

// June 25th, 2009 // 12 Comments » // Uncategorized

This little blog post will go buried in the searches on ESPN.com, CNN.com, and FoxNews.com, but I’m feeling a need to let my own heart grieve through my keyboard.

A year ago I posted here and here about a small town just a few miles from us that suffered devastating loss of life and possessions from an F-5 tornado. There were so many hurting people, and the Cedar Valley rallied around them in support.

In the midst of the rebuilding, the local football coach showed his exquisite leadership as he led his team in the reconstruction, vowing to have the football field ready for the first home game, despite the fact his own home and the school had been leveled. Football has been the cornerstone of this small Iowa town, and what better way to acknowledge recovery than to have their champion team back on the field, fondly known as the “Sacred Acre,” with the entire town in the stands on that September Friday night celebrating their survival of a natural disaster.

Today, Coach Ed Thomas was shot and killed by one of his former players.

This man was a legendary football coach, the 2005 NFL High School Coach of the Year, he shepherded 4 players who currently play the NFL, and was above all, a man of God. A deacon in his church and a mentor to thousands over his 34 years of coaching and teaching in Parkersburg, his goal was to make sure his students and athletes were the best young men and women they could be.

It was well known that his priorities were
1. Faith
2. Family
3. Football

He never put those in any other order.

I knew Coach Thomas as “the formidable opposition” when my boys played football. When I took the leap to be a high school tennis coach, he was an encouraging and inspiring teacher in my coaching certification class. Coaching and mentoring young people was his passion. But he was an inspiration to this non-traditional student as well.

Tonight my heart aches in so many directions. Like my daughter told me tonight, God knew this was the plan long before it happened. I know I will find more comfort in those words as time passes.

The father of the young man who shot Coach T serves as a deacon in the same church as Coach and is a friend of the family. He played on Coach’s first football team in Parkersburg in 1975. The accused’s younger brother is a senior on the A-P football team this fall. Coach and the shooter’s father often prayed together for the life of turmoil this young man was leading. The collateral damage of this troubled young man’s actions is unmeasurable – the ripples go far beyond this small Iowa town of 3,000 and extend across our nation because of the number of lives he has touched over the years.

In a news conference today, Coach Thomas’ son Aaron so eloquently asked for prayer for his family, as well as a request to keep the shooter’s family in our prayers. And Ron Burgundy put his whole heart into this tribute to Coach Thomas.

I just don’t understand. But I have faith that someday I will. Tonight I will wrestle with either Jerry Bridges or Harold Kushner as I try to put some perspective on this.

But for now, I just don’t understand. And I think God’s OK with that, because it literally brings me to my knees – again.


Important Recall Notice

// April 11th, 2009 // 5 Comments » // My Fabulous Life

The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed “Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality,” or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some other symptoms include:

  • Loss of direction
  • Foul vocal emissions
  • Amnesia of origin
  • Lack of peace and joy
  • Selfish or violent behavior
  • Depression or confusion in the mental component
  • Fearfulness
  • Idolatry
  • Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:

Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention!
GOD

P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by knee-mail.

Mad props to my friend Helen for helping spread the Word.
Tea today: Stash Fusion Green and White

Shaken Faith

// January 15th, 2009 // 6 Comments » // Uncategorized

I’d like to think that if when something horrible happens to me, my trust and faith will always remain Heavenward. In the few times in my life when I have felt emotionally distraught, perhaps even end-of-my-ropish, I can honestly say I never felt like my Father abandoned me. Others maybe, but not Him.

In difficult, testing times, I asked begged for His help. There may have been some “Why’s and even a few “Why me’s,” but I never felt like He was leaving me to endure on my own.

Quite the opposite – I felt like He was at my side. And we talked. One of my readings today so aptly said “God has the ability to sustain us in the wilderness.” Oh. Yeah.

My heart aches right now for a friend who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She has been told “if you’re going to have it, this is the kind to have,” though she’s also looking at surgery, chemo, and radiation in her future. Not good news, but not hopeless, either.

And she is a mess. A broken, distraught mess. She wonders where God is in all of this. She thought this was the last thing that could ever happen to her. She’s asking “Why me?” She has lost control. (Dare I tell her she never had control)? The plan for her care is up in the air. And she feels no peace, or at least that’s what she has articulated to those of us to whom she has confided.

She is lost. Utterly. Completely. Lost.

And that’s what breaks my heart – not the cancer.

It seems to me she believes that cancer has a more treatment options than a shaken faith does. But the reality is, the cure for that lost faith is simple and right at our fingertips – at the foot of the cross, in His Word, ready to be placed in our hearts. Firmly. Radically. Sustainably.

So what is a friend to do? What are the words to say? Or must she work through this grief in her own way, her own time, with the little shaken faith she has left? We have talked about God’s grace. About God’s plans and purpose. About God’s answers to our prayers.

Yes, No, Not Yet.

But she feels let-down and failed. Like her faith wasn’t strong enough. She feels weak. Like she did something wrong. And now it’s too late, in her eyes. Oh, how I long for her to find Him in all of this, rather than push Him away.

I understand well the steps in the grieving process and know that sometimes He brings us to our knees so that the only thing we can do is look up. I pray that her courage, strength, and faith will return with a vengeance to heal this broken heart. And the cancer? We will pray for that, too, knowing God’s got her. He doesn’t like cancer any more than the rest of us.

I’ve had many friends and family diagnosed with cancer; some are healed at Home, others are well and cancer-free and living life to the fullest, including my 83 year old mother. I never look at cancer as a surprise anymore – it has been all too common both in my family and in our society. I’m grateful and frankly amazed at the strides in cancer care over the last decade. The God-given wisdom of physicians, the loving care of nurses, the healing power of faith, food, and prayer, and the knowledge that abounds for all to know and use.

Please lift my friend up in prayer for faith, courage, and strength. Let’s band together so she sees clearly that the Great Physician will heal her for eternity in spirit and body, and give her hope.

And lest this sound a bit righteous, and like I have it all together, I pray I don’t eat my own words someday.


Tea today: Jasmine

Baby Tears

// November 21st, 2008 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

I cried twice today.

Every mother’s prayer. Babies. Her babies. Those seemingly perfect-in-every way babies that grow up to be imperfect human beings who need each other and learn the hard way how much they need the Lord. So what was so sad about this beautiful picture I’ve put in your mind?

I didn’t say I was sad. I merely said I was crying.

I held a baby boy this evening, almost 16 weeks old. Peach-fuzz-baby-smelling head. Chipmunk cheeks. He fussed, then I did the baby sway with him (I haven’t forgotten how because I still do it in church with no baby in my arms). He fell asleep on my shoulder, so I sagged my weary back into the couch and this onesied-bundle did the baby-wriggle-gonna-nestle-up-real-close-heavy-sigh REM sleep thing on my chest. And as I covered him with his blanket, I cried. It was a moment that took me back 31 years and that overwhelming feeling of baby passion just overtook me. Sometimes it doesn’t even matter whose baby it is.

And then.

I went to see the unveiling of the engagement pictures of my eldest baby and his beautiful fiance. Fresh faces. Brilliant leaves. Autumn sunshine. Adoring smiles. Sappy (albeit tear-jerking) music background.

I cried again.

I cried out of gratitude for three healthy grown babies and a soon-to-be daughter-in-law. I cried out of angst for days gone by. I cried over mistakes I’ve made and things left undone that may or may not have changed anything at all. The embrace of His grace now brings me peace in my exhaustion and I’m ready to fall into that snuggly sleep just like those babies used to. Without the onesie.

But just one more time, I think I’ll cry.
Three times today.

Tea tonight: Numi Monkey King

(Un)Comfortable in My Own Sin

// November 14th, 2008 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

I just finished reading (and studying, and discussing) Respectable Sins, by Jerry Bridges with an awesome group of women at church. It was a book I could have finished in a day, and normally would have, but taking a book like this and really digging in for 10 weeks and studying, soaking up the concepts, and feeling convicted, rather than just reading and thinking “How true” or “He’s exactly right”….well, it was just an experience I really want to have again. Soon. That, coupled with getting to know other women who are 25 years younger and 25 years older, yet sharing common bonds of being stuck in those sins we tolerate as women, wives, mothers….it was truly a spiritual experience for me.

It’s one thing to be comfortable in your own skin (which has taken me many years) but to be comfortable in your own sin, now that’s a different story. And one I plan to rewrite. Thank goodness for that Gift of Grace, for it’s never too late to write your story.

What’s your story about His glory?

Tea tonight: Republic of Tea Honey Ginger

11/1 – There Are No Accidents

// November 1st, 2008 // 2 Comments » // My Fabulous Life

Up during another restless/sleepless night. Not sure what the problem is…
The date, perhaps? I recall this post.

Today’s post is #111 for me. Hmmmm….

My late mother-in-law was born on this day, rest her soul.

A long-ago friend was born on this day. A friendship that, shall we say, moved on…

Last night we moved a couch that weighed about 1,111 lb. (est.) down from the second floor and out to the truck. OK, that’s exaggerating. It will take 111 days for my back to recover. Possibly.

Whatever all of this means, I wish I knew. I’m trusting in Him that it’s a good thing.
***Update*** Just happened to catch the football scoreboard with 11:11 left in the game this afternoon. Took a cell phone picture, but couldn’t see the time on it…. trust me!
Tea tonight: Green with kiwi/pear

This may be significant – or not so much….

// November 1st, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Bad picture (cell phone) of a beautiful berry-laden tree I parked my car under today. I sat there listening to “Bring the Rain” on my iPod and stared at it for at least 10 minutes before I went in for an appointment. I’m not sure why, but it really caught my heart, my brain, my wonder. I sat under it for a few minutes on the way out, too – I have no idea why.

Tea tonight: Spring Cherry Beginner’s Mind

Guilty Heartache?

// October 15th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

I was feeling pretty much on top of the world after the marathon weekend, finally shaking the lingering flu, watching my KT accomplish a goal that at one time not only seemed impossible, but more importantly that she really had no penchant to do. Oh, how time and God’s hand changes hearts and minds! I watched my “aging” (I say that loosely) Ron Burgundy complete his 10th marathon – he called me four times and even texted our youngest son during the race! I didn’t see any of the elite athletes with their BlackBerries during the race, which may in part explain why they finished 3+ hours ahead of him. (That, and they train 210 miles a week, are 40 lb lighter, 35 years younger…)

So during this rare day off, I was catching up on my feed reader, and read Angie’s post for today, recognizing tomorrow as National Day of Remembrance for pregnancy and infant loss. Some of the comments left on her post are simply cutting to my very core. Is it right for me to feel so good when others are so deeply hurting? Why does God dole out such pain to some and not others? Does He truly need to put so many of us “in our place” in order to get His job done? I know many people who have been brought to their knees finding God and praying for the very first time because of tragedy – is that what it really takes for some? Apparently He knows better than I, and I certainly know that He’s given me some pretty grave reasons to seek Him. He also knows it takes very little to bring myself to Him in prayer – good or bad. He takes us on journeys we can only understand through faith. And that’s what sometimes makes pain a beautiful thing. He knows the plan, because He wrote the plan.

I’d like to think everyone would reach out to God on a glorious sunny day in Chicago after a victory, just as easily and eagerly as they do during those rock-bottom, heart-breaking times.

Through it all, He is always the same. He has proven that over and over again.

Tea tonight: Tazo Green with Ginger