Steele (the Day)

Catch Phrases for my heart and soul

// September 27th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

For the last many weeks I’ve driven two hours a day to work and back. Not my choice but a responsibility that is partly self-imposed, but mostly done out of commitment to a job I’m paid to do. It has been draining – emotionally and physically it is taking its toll. But it’s become a way of life. This picture is from my cell phone driving into the beautiful sunrise today. I’ve become quite enamored with podcasts from my very favorite pastors, only two of whom I have actually met. But I feel like I know each one of them up close and personal because I’ve literally gone back since the inception of each of their podcasts to listen to these. Yes, that’s how much I drive. Not much time for some of you, but for someone who must squeeze every minute of productivity out of every hour of the day, while feigning off sleep all the way, it is two precious hours each day I don’t feel I can afford to lose. But it has become the best part of my day.

There are themes. There are sermon series. And then there are the unique little “catch phrases” that each pastor uses that makes him so endearing. They probably don’t even realize they’re doing it – it’s just their personality and God shining through their voices. It’s fun to see how they have emerged over the years, grown in their communication and delivery style, and in each of them, have spoken so relevantly to my life. Here are some of my favorites.

Pastor John Fuller (Prairie Lakes Church): “Here’s what….I …knaoow….” (yep, that’s just what it sounds like, and with a subsequent pause, it really makes you sit up and listen – and really, really believe. Love it!) and “Let’s go to the Word….” That’s my favorite. “Let’s be Jesus with skin on.” But I can’t leave out “Step over the faith line…”

Pastor Justin Wise (Immersion/Lutheran Church of Hope): “This is huge….” & “This just Blows. My. Mind…” (Yeah, he actually talks like the punctuation is in there. Very effective.) & “Context is King!” This young whippersnapper is “wise” beyond his years, yet maintains his GenX/Y credibility while enlightening us boomers. He craves Jesus. His mind is always churning deeply, and he is very well prepared for his sermons on a level that is so relevant not only to the 20s and 30s in Immersion, but to their parents! Relevancy. What a concept. Sometimes his sermons are so perfect for me or my family during a particular need, I refer to him as “Justin Time.” Whoa.

Pastor Mike Householder (Lutheran Church of Hope): “God is on the move….” & “Praise God for that…” Coupled with his personal stories, quick wit, and obvious passion for his congregation, it’s not hard to see why this will be my church should I ever have the opportunity to live in Des Moines.

Pastor Richard Webb: (Lutheran Church of Hope): “Let’s pray” (I can’t do this one justice because words can’t express the inflection or the timing in there, but it is spontaneous, very quickly and softly spoken, and seems to come most unexpectedly…out of nowhere. It’s like an instant piece of peace. No other “catch phrase” from him as no two of his sermons are alike, and he uses really cool big words that just roll out of his mouth (along with that inflection and timing gift), and I’m telling you, this guy is smart. As in ::genius:: smart. A brilliant theologian who can pull the stories out of the Bible at will and tell them with drama and flair. He also remind us, now and then, that “God is not your housepet.”

Pastor Tommy Sparger (North Point Church): “…and I believe this…I really do…” Perhaps it’s that Texas twang, the folksy delivery, or if you’re watching the video, the pity for the video dude who must constantly try to keep this cute little man of God within the viewfinder as he sprints across the stage. He’s really a Holy Hoot. “Now…here’s the dill” (in Iowa we say “deal”). And at the end he recognizes new believers with “…will you raise your hand so I know who you are. I want to pray for you…” Though I’m not a “new” believer, I would raise my hand so Tommy would look right at me and pray for me. God knows I need it.

Pastor Craig Groeschel (LifeChurch.tv): “Lift your hands up now, lift them high…” He does this recognizing new believers at the end of his sermons. Again, I’d be one raising my hands. I could really get into that one. He gets deep into my head, is extremely creative, and the pre-sermon videos are amazing.

The thing these guys all have in common is their humility, their love of Christ, and their shared times of shaken faith. They are admitted sinners (what? them too? is the world full of them?) and have fallen short. And they give illustrations in their sermons that bring us all down to earth, yet give me cause for pause to admire them. Better yet, they empower me to look more closely and where I am in my life and why that’s ok. Because it’s where God put me. Yet these “church dudes” are all so different from one another. What a party it would be to have them all together. With Lutheran jello. I praise God for them.

I have grown so strong in my faith because of these gifted people that even during a sheerly exhausting, refrigerator-dying, patient-crumping, car-clunking, sick dog meltdown, they push me toward Him. And He carries me. And He is really the only one who cares. I’ve certainly felt that this week. Romans 5:1-5

Need further proof of God’s promise? How about newly blooming water hyacinths on my pond today – in September!!

Tea tonight: Young Hyson

Me, a Respectable Sinner

// September 16th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Still thinking stewing prayerfully pondering about Bible study last night on the seemingly oxymoronic book Respectable Sins. It’s about confronting the sins we tolerate in ourselves and others – you know, things other than like being an ax murderer or robbing banks. It’s really fascinating and soul-baring. Some of things we talked about:

Worry.
Shame.
Pride.
Envy.
Guilt.
Ridicule.
Unhappiness (huh? yep.)
White lies (as in “no, your butt doesn’t look fat in those pants”).
Coveting.
Gossip.
Unthankfulness.
Telling someone you’ll do something, then you don’t.

Those were a few of the things we discussed, but I haven’t gotten too deep in the book yet. It was such a powerful evening for me and I’m really enjoying the book along with the referenced Bible passages. My favorite reflection thus far is Galatians 5:22-23. It’s such a good starting place for all of our daily actions (and reactions) to things, and how we are supposed to treat others on a daily basis.

There was one really sweet girl there who is bearing the burden of a “Mean Girls” sort of experience, and is taking steps in her life to slowly move beyond it. Oh how I felt for her, but am so encouraged that she found peace and comfort in the group. What was really neat was that we ranged in age from 20ish to 50ish (yes, I was close to the oldest one there) and yet we had so many things in common and things to share. Perspective is everything. Looking at something with someone else’s eyes can totally change the view. After mulling the Fruits of the Spirit over in my mind, I sure would like to see how Jesus sees things that I see. Or perhaps I wouldn’t.

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A perspective on prayer from one of the pastors at one of the churches on my “Someday I’m Going to Visit” list:

Wow, that works for me.

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Now something from the Are you serious??? category:
Margarita and Bloody Mary mix in the Food Bank??? I’m not getting that one.

But it’s still a place where God lurks in every corner. I saw Him everywhere.

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Finally, why in the world does the label inside the fly of my capris I’m wearing today say “Find Adventure, Find Yourself?” I wonder if the previous owner asked that same question at some point. Just wonderin’…..

Tea today: White cantaloupe

Praying for….the balance sheet??

// September 5th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

Over the past few months I’ve found myself praying more for my job – that the circumstances (and yes, admittedly, some of the people) would change, that it would bring me more joy, that it would turn once again into a 40-50 hour a week pleasure, rather than the 60-70 hour obligation it has become. I hoped “the suits” would start to “get it” rather than insisting on conforming to the lowered standards of care that unfortunately are a result of their beefed-up productivity demands. In this world of older, sicker (and in my case younger and sicker and going back to work) patients, the convoluted data on the spreadsheet cannot possibly allow what is right for our patients.

Let me start with the premise that no healthcare provider would even exist without the patient. That is why the industry was created in the first place – because of the need to care for the ill, the infirm, the broken, the terrified. I work under a Mission Statement (and was asked to sign a paper that I agreed to uphold it) that declares we are “..committed to living out the healing ministry of the Judeo-Christian tradition by providing exceptional and compassionate healthcare services that promotes the dignity and well being of the people we serve…” Sounds great, huh? In fact, this statement reflects exactly my heart, my beliefs, my spiritual journey – everything I believe God has called me to do. So what’s the problem? Sounds like a perfect work/life balance, doesn’t it?

Not so fast.

Let’s call it The Gap, since I haven’t shopped there in several years. It appears I’m at The Gap – the huge Gap between what we say, and what I, as a follower of Christ first, and a health care provider second (or third, or fourth) am called to do. Minister. Serve. Witness. Not just to the patients, but to colleagues, fellow employees whom I have never met, and strangers walking the halls. I will never leave my profession. (Note, I didn’t say my job). I will never compromise my standards or my values. But tonight there’s tremendous cognitive dissonance as that gap widens because of the ever-present balance sheet, and the people who think that you can provide compassionate care with the formula function in Excel. I am unable to fulfill my personal mission OR my employer’s mission, and what is really hard to understand is this – THEY ARE EXACTLY THE SAME. What’s up with that? I wonder if this post will get me fired. In the meantime, I feel like I am being called to close The Gap, if it means walking away from 35 years of loyalty, sacrifice, joy, Godly coworkers. I regret the lost time with my family. Even my dog wonders who I am these days. And I guess I do, too.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Colossians 3:23-24

Tea tonight: Mai Feng

Fingerprints of God

// August 23rd, 2008 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

This song reminds me of someone who warmed my heart this week (it was oh, so cold and spent this week!), because I can see how God has softened her heart. Warmed it. Blessed it.

Put His Fingerprints. All. Over. It.

He has worked through her in the most beautiful ways. I will never doubt that our perspective, heart, or mind can be transformed by His grace. Where there were prolonged whines, there are now simply factual statements that move on. Where there was scowling disagreement when compliments were given, now there is gratitude laced with humility. Where there was sadness and hopelessness, there are now new hopes and “just one more surprise” that push the darkness back to the old places where we refuse to go again. Where there were memories that caused despair and “whys??” there is now an appreciation for growth and understanding and “so whats?” Loneliness morphed into a blessed, prayerful solitude where we are never alone. There are new awakenings to life happenings that are in no way weird or strange or coincidental, but simply a vibrant new awareness to His presence and His plan. Living a life of “me” is gradually pointing toward serving others. “I can’t” is now “I will.” I prayed for this day for so long. I know how sometimes three steps forward means two steps back, but it still means one step ahead. I know. I’ve understood this in my own heart for a very long time. I’m so grateful and blessed with this transformation that oozes the love and mercy of our God who gave everything He had for her, knows her name, and claims her as His own. And everyone else sees it too.

Because that’s just how God rolls.

Had I posted this a year and a half ago, it would have been Casting Crowns singing Does Anybody Hear Her? because she was “running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction.” Thank you, Lord. You have rocked my world to tears today. And wow, do I love Colossians 3:15-17 at this moment.
Tea today: Young Hyson

The guy at the lake

// August 7th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

He was young, 20ish, tanned, muscular, in a white tank top, sandals, and sitting with a forlorn posture looking out over the lake, chin in hands, elbows on knees. I thought about him as I passed by on my walk. Was he praying? Was he crying? Is he broke? Is his mom sick? Did his girl dump him? Something big was obviously on his mind, because as I returned to my car 45 min later, it appeared he had not moved a skosh. By his posture, I don’t think he was out there singing praises. For the half mile he was in my line of vision on the way back, I contemplated walking the 30 yards across the grass to tell him…..what? What would I say? Ask if he’s ok? If he needs anything? Just tell him I prayed for him for 2 1/2 miles? Would he be offended? Angry? Lash out? So rather than having bold “Jesus feet” I just kept walking. But I did pray for him (lame, I know – ultimate passive/aggressive). I hope he’s ok. I regret not saying anything to him. You just never know when you’re going to touch a heart, help a lost soul — but the
skeptic, untrusting side of me said :::stay back:::

I believe now I was wrong to keep walking. Maybe he’ll be there tomorrow. This is going to haunt me all night. I know there were times when my kids could have used a friendly stranger.
Tea tonight: Stash Green & White Fusion

Happy Birthday to Me.

// July 28th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

OK, so it’s not my birthday. But it was my birthday “weekend” (like at my age I need one of those) and I got a birthday pie and I got birthday presents and I got birthday hugs and spent time with birthday friends. Ol’ practical me. Sometimes God speaks through friends….and Walm@rt gift cards, free produce, and shampoo samples. Now I’m prayerfully drained and it’s bedtime but I can’t stop praying now – it’s just too early. He’s still got some work to do, some light to shine, some grace to give, some hearts to enter, some heads to clear. I will help like it’s my job. Because it is.

No tea at Gma’s

I heart prayers.

// July 15th, 2008 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized

I’ve been listening to a series of sermons (I don’t like the word “sermon”- more like teachings, because I’ve truly learned). The first two were on prayer and really struck a nerve with me. I can hardly wait for the next two. Things I know, things I’ve learned, but things I, as an imperfect human, need to be reminded of. When I think of the prayers I’ve sent up to God over the last 57 years, I realize how crude, rude, and extremely selfish I’ve been. Yes, I’ve actually lied to God. (Sure am glad for that Grace gift). Made promises I didn’t keep. Like He didn’t know that?? I mean, He knows what I need, He knows what I want, and He knows it before I ask Him. He knows sometimes I am asking for entirely the wrong thing. He will give me one of three answers every time: Yes, No, or Not Yet. I must trust that His answer is the right one. So as I listen to these teachings again, I fully recognize the bold, raw, unmistakable truth – prayer doesn’t change my situation. It changes me. Over the past few weeks, it’s been huge. He has brought me to a point I wish I’d arrived at about 39 years ago, or even 2 years ago. But I am grateful that I am here now. Peaceful. He’s got my back. He’s a lot smarter than I am. God is really BIG. And tonight, at least for tonight, it feels really, really good. It is not an option for anyone or anything to change this feeling for me right now. I didn’t feel like this 2 weeks ago. I knew I’d turn a corner, I just didn’t know when. I’m in a different place. Now I’m off to practice because I’ll never get good at this prayer gig if I don’t practice, practice, practice. My first two words will be “Thanks, Abba!” Perhaps “You da Man!” will follow.
Tea tonight: Arizona Green with pomegranate

Friday’s Feast

// July 12th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

Best meal I’ve eaten all week- certainly the first full one!
Appetizer
When was the last time you had your hair cut/trimmed?
I couldn’t remember so I asked my roots – they didn’t know what a haircut was. By the looks of them, I’m long overdue.

Soup
Name one thing you miss about being a child.
The freedom of not having a thing to worry about. My goal is to return to being His child in the true sense of the Word so I can be free again.

Salad
Pick one: butter, margarine, olive oil.
Olive oil, extra virgin, hands down.

Main Course
If you could learn another language, which one would you pick, and why?
Irish. Then I would speak English with an Irish accent because it sounds so sophisicated (which is entirely NOT me).

Dessert
Finish this sentence: In 5 years I expect to be…
Still working, enjoying it more, because retirement is 5 years closer. I’ll have an Irish accent. And newly-cut hair. And a fresh bottle of olive oil in the pantry.
Tea tonight: Chamomile

Memories: Best of 4th of July Weekend

// July 5th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

1. Twizzlers
2. Smell of boat gas
3. 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3 (counting heads bobbing in the river)
4. “Mom, can I have a pop?”
5. “Dad, can I drive the boat?”
6. Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen (with the occasional forgotten “top o’ the ear”)
7. “He threw sand on me!!”
8. Sleeping prone across the back of the boat.
9. Boat songs! Peter Cetera (Next Time I Fall, Glory of Love), Whitney Houston (Greatest Love of All), James Ingram/Linda Rondstadt (Somewhere Out There)….too many more to list
10. “I’m hungry”
11. Sleepy, sun-drenched child crumped in lap. The musty smell of life jacket not able to drown that wonderful “baby smell.”
12. “I wanna ride the ski rocket/ski biscuit.”
13. “Do I hafta wear my life jacket?”
14. Gassing up at Babe’s dock.
15. “Gramma, can we still come up here when you die?”
16. What kind of chicken do you want? “I’ll have the drumsticks.” I’ll have the drumsticks.” “I’ll have the head.”
17. B-4 (Barn Brunch by Bayliner)
18. “Whoa, look at that one!” (at fireworks, anchored in the bay at DBQ)
19. DQ – Dyersville
20. (Brushing tangled hair) “That hurts!!”
21. St. Feriole Railroad ice cream car
22. The smell of after-river, after-bath, after-lotion children in clean jammies.
23. Blankies. Three of them.
24. “I hafta go to the bathroom.”
25. Feeling, knowing, sensing Him in the water lapping on fiberglass, wind in my face, and tree-laden bluffs.
26. The Carry. Up the stairs upon arrival home. Heavy with sleep. Sand in their hair. Loved. Safe. Home.

There’s one thing we never did together while sequestered as a family in the boat, and I regret that. I think of how blessed, protected and cared for we were. Shame on me. That’s the only part I’d do over.

Tea today: Maa Feng

Liftin’ the Blog

// July 4th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

I don’t think I’ve been so moved by words in many years – at least a dozen – when I heard Fred Luskin give a talk at a conference on his specialty of Forgiveness - at the time I needed it most. I never did figure out if he is a Christian, but it doesn’t matter. God has gifted him so and he has changed so many lives with his devotion to his work.

I am also convinced that God, in His infinite wisdom (not Al Gore), created the internet because He takes me to posts I need to see at very special times. Those are not accidents. There really is no such thing.

Tea today: Earl Grey green