"I’m Not as Good as I Once Was, But I’m As Good Once As I Ever Was…."
// August 14th, 2008 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
That Toby Keith song by sums up my brief (2 hour) return to the tennis court tonight. After a hiatus of over a year, I succumbed to threats and begs from old friends to make a return to what was once a joy I couldn’t wait to feel again. Maybe I anticipated it too much. The trouble is, it wasn’t joyful. It was painful, and for a variety of reasons, and I don’t care to return again, at least for a while.
- I arrived 5 minutes late, rushing in, no water, no visor, no towel
- My first three shots hit the net
- My next three shots went wwaaaayyy out
- Seven must be my lucky number
- The noise from my shoulder during my serve (that amazingly went in) sounded very similar to the popcorn I made last night. Sadly, the serve kept coming back to me – with a vengeance.
- My forehand was errant to the max
- I left my backhand at the office
- I won 4 games out of about 26 played (that’s the “I’m as good once..” part)
- I had surges of unexplainable emotion that literally brought me to tears, wanting to enjoy the game like I used to, but couldn’t
- Begged off fall league because of some “balls and chains” in my life right now
- Found out one of my tennis “cronies” has bone cancer – pretty much ruined the night for me
The first few months I didn’t play, I mourned and missed it like an old friend. Tennis was who I was, where I found pleasure and release from the daily grind, where I could kick back with people who laughed with at me hysterically, and with whom I shared so much in common besides The Game. And if I say so myself, I was really pretty good competitive. Tonight we all still laughed, shared stories of new grandbabies, recent weddings, engagements, fabulous vacations, and I went through all the motions like a good teammate. Motions, but not e-motions. Only when I got in the car and drove home did the flood of tears hit me while listening to “Made to Worship” and I realized that things are different now.
Tennis apparently isn’t who I am anymore. Maybe it never was. I’ve found some other comforts, other priorities, other peace. But I still love it and the fabulous memories of laughter and the “high” it always gave me. The sound of a bullet off the sweet spot. And that unforgettable smell from the new can of balls. BFFs. I can live with those memories. This is sort of like when your children grow up – you accept it and never forget the memories they created in your heart. Tonight I’ll pray on it a bit. God can always change my mine, my heart. And if He does, perhaps He could tweak that forehand a bit, too. Surely He saw the need tonight.
Tea today: Revolution Acai Green
